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Just Reached Menopause? It's Okay to be Sad (or Not)

Sometime in the middle of September, it had been 12 months since the last time I had a period.  I called it the middle of September because I only had one little brownish spot in October of 2016.  And then that was the last time I ever saw any signs of getting my period.  Period.

When the middle of September came up this year, and I realized that my period and the childbearing years of my life were over, it hit me hard.   I mean stay in bed, cover my head with covers and shut out the world hard.
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Ugly cry for days hard.  Not want to see my friends or leave the house hard. Canceling plans with friends because I wanted to bury myself hard.  Thoughts of  "does it even matter if I'm here?" hard. Eat junk or nothing hard.  Crying while driving, when I had to leave the house hard. As many ways as I can express how hard this realization was for me. . . . it was that hard and then some.

I really wanted to write this post when I was right in the middle of all those emotions so that I could make it a truer post, but it never happened.  If I could get myself back to that point of desperation and sadness for you guys, I would, just so that you could know how really sad I was.  Because, if I could help just one person who is also going through it at the same time realize that "yes, it's okay to be sad" then I would! Yes, I would do that to myself to help someone else. I was sad and that was okay.  I needed the time to mourn my loss.

Even though we weren't ever going to have more kids, it absolutely sucks that my body is now saying, "Yep. Absolutely never gonna happen!"  And my oldest child is only 13 years old!!!  That fact also means that my kids are either in puberty or will be in puberty soon.  THAT fact may actually be better.  I feel like my emotions are better now.  Now that I'm over the sadness, that is.

Back in March and April, when I was about 6 months to the end, I was miserably angry.  Like the worst kind of PMS in the world, angry.  It was so bad.  I was tense for several days.  And even my hair was pissing me off.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  That's when I posted this Instagram:
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The hair drove me so crazy, I got my hair cut. My hubby asked me if I cut my hair just to spite him~~ because we were arguing a lot then~~because of those horrible hormones.  Like I would seriously get my haircut just to make him mad.  What?

Now, I feel fine.  Whatever my hormones were going through at that point in time is gone now.  So, I guess it's better that I'm in menopause when my kids start to get all hormonal on me.  At least one of us will be more even-keeled.

Another reason it hit me hard is because usually when you see anything relating to menopause, you always see older women.  I picture a grandmother, not a woman with a 13 year old and a 10 year old. I hit menopause about 5 years earlier than the average age.

I was sad because I know that I'm going to have to deal with a lot more health issues now, from bone loss to heart issues.  I've already shrunk a 1/2" in the past year!  Good grief!  And at some point we'll be discussing the intimacy issues that menopause creates.  Again, good grief!  I plan on tackling all of the physical issues one at a time.

Now that the sadness is gone, I just wanted to tell you~~ it's okay to be sad, if you're sad.  It's okay to want to hide for a month until you've dealt with all of the emotions.  Hopefully your sadness won't last for more than a month and you can get on with this new chapter of your life!

It's okay to be sad when you go into menopause!  (If you feel like it becomes too intense or lasts too long, you might want to let your doctor know, though.)

On the flip side, I know a lot of women are happy when they hit menopause.  And that's okay, too.  (I don't understand it!  But, it's okay.)

No two women are alike.  None of us are going to have the same experiences, the same feelings or the same symptoms that go along with menopause.  I'm just hoping that we can all support each other and learn from each other.

If you've reached menopause, which were you?  Happy or Sad?  Or maybe a mix of the two?

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