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Dear Husband of a Menopausal Woman ~ Here's What She'd Like You to Know

Dear Hubby of the woman who is going through Menopause, here are some things that your wife would like you to know.  Menopause is a very difficult time in a woman's life.  We are going through a lot of physical changes that sometimes leave us feeling like we're going crazy and we're all alone.  Sometimes we're sad, sometimes we're angry, sometimes we're actually in a good mood.  The thing is, we never know how each day is going to affect us or which mood we're going to be in at any given minute.  Add to that, all of the hot flashes (flushes), the itchy skin, the dizziness and sleepless nights, and a whole host of other weird things going on and we can be quite a mess.  But, when we got married, we both said "for better or worse" or something to that effect.

Here's the thing. . . . we don't like this any more than you do.

It's frustrating for us, and we know it's frustrating for you.  We know that most men just want to help "fix" things, but there's not always an easy fix for this.  We promise to try to do everything we can to feel better, but we need your patience, because it's not always going to happen just like that.  It might take some trial and error on our part.  Just, please be patient and try to be empathetic.   And please, please, keep the lines of communication open.

When I asked a group of women who are going through perimenopause and menopause, what they would like you, dear hubby, to know, these were their honest answers.  I hope you take these into consideration.

"The real me is still in here somewhere."  ~~~  This woman said that she had flipped from being a confident, outgoing woman to being nervous, jealous, lacking confidence, and always needing reassurance.  Thankfully, she is now back to her "old self" again.  These things don't last forever.  We know they are hard as we're going through them.  Most people tell us that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and we must believe them! 

"She's sorry." 

"I love you."

"Please try to work as a team. Both parties are hurting here."

"I feel like I'm losing my mind and myself."

"Please don't be so critical. I've dealt with some of your issues. Now, it's time for us to deal with mine. Please be open to communication with me and work with me to get through this."

"Please don't try to blame everything on menopause. Sometimes, I'm right and you are in fact, wrong."

"Please ask the question, 'What can I do to help right now?' Maybe start a time that we can talk about each other's needs without assigning blame. Maybe start with, 'Here is what I need. How can we figure a way to make that work?'

"I didn't ask for this and it's completely natural. For better or worse is here. Please be patient."

"I'm not sure who I am right now, but I'm working very hard, every minute of every day to figure it out and be stable."

Also dear hubby, we know that a lot of us aren't quite as amorous as we used to be.  Our sex drives are low.  Sometimes, we have a lot of pain and dryness in our vagina. Yes, I said it. Vagina.  Your wife is NOT making this stuff up just to avoid you.  It is real and it is painful and a lot of times it makes us feel bad. And old. And it makes us feel a lot of things that we can't even put into words.  But there are ways to deal with it and we are all learning how to deal with it.  See, the thing is that this isn't talked about a lot in the mainstream.  But now, we're talking.  And we're trying to figure it out.  And we NEED you there with us, being patient, and kind.  We promise it won't last forever and if we continue to communicate, we can come out of this a much stronger couple.

We also received a lot of suggestions from women to watch this Netflix documentary on menopause with their husband :

Love, Sweat and Tears. 

My hubby and I still haven't watched it, but I'm putting it on our to-do list. 


  1. Love this- it is so refreshing to speak truth. I am 71, I thought hot flushes were over but having even more hot flushes now because of a disease I have -polycythemia vera- where my bone marrow makes too many red blood cells! @sizzle70s

    1. Wow! I'm sorry to hear that. I know it must be frustrating for you. I've never heard of polycythemia vera. Will have to stop by. Thank you for stopping by here!


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